I’ve wanted to write about this for a long time and it’s something I’ve discussed with filmmakers of all kinds. 

Attitude is crucial on a film set.  We all know this.  No matter the set, you’ll hear it over and over.  Attitude will absolutely be why you get hired again, OR never called again.  Many times I’ve seen a crew member rant about petty things, try to be exclusive with information to seem important, speak condescending to members of their own or other departments… overall simply  ”be a bit of a prick”.  

I have wanted to write about defensiveness as a reaction specifically for so long because I’ve been a perpetrator.  I fell ass-backwards into jobs I was unqualified for at a young age (which I am ultimately grateful for).  My short-sightedness, naivety, and immaturity on certain film sets is not something I’m proud of.  Many a time I compensated for insecurities or lack of knowledge by being defensive; I felt territorial over MY department, MY gear, MY ideas. 

Of course, bad attitudes exist everywhere–every workplace, every industry.   

From my experience, working in this specific industry “the film world” garners a heightened mess of emotion.  Possibly because our codes of conduct are less professional than the office world, possibly because we’re all just little kids with crazy dreams, possibly because film sets can be roller coasters with pressure on moment to moment scenarios that seem like the most important thing in the world.  Whatever the reason, the reality is that we’re just making movies.  And as much as I honor and believe in what I do, it is NOT the entire world.  At its best, film is art that communicates a piece of the world in a way that can enlighten or change someone’s life.  At its worst, it’s advertising. 

I hadn’t yet experienced the beauty of collaboration that is filmmaking at its best:

• Masters of their craft coming together to create something separate of themselves.
  
• Knowing the rules/technicals/”right way” so well that they don’t matter.  
  
• Trust high enough that nobody is trying to prove themselves for the sake of image.
  
• Everyone getting better and doing their best. 
  
• Creating, pushing, saying “YES I LOVE THAT WHAT IF WE ALSO… ”
  
• When the story is everything.  What you’re making matters the most.

In the last couple years I’ve found a calm as my knowledge grows, and as I shoot more and more.  I’m not rattled easily.  Each day is a learning experience and an opportunity to prove myself not just as a knowledgable cinematographer, but as a decent human being.  I have a long way to go to be the filmmaker I want to be, and I cannot wait for each second of that never-ending process. 

Attached below is a really incredible quote from Rachel Morrison, that I’m doing my best to live by.